So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
