i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
