walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
