He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
