I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
