He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
