You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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