My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
