Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
