So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
