Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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