I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
