He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize