there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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