it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
operation have a gay friend backfired
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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