yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
