He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
