god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
