I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
