WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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