why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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