I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
