just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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