Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
