I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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