Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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