I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
