I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
