Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Im part way to drunk.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
