so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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