I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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