quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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