I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
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