Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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