the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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