This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
