I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
