OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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