I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
