he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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