Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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