dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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