fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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