i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
