My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
