Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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