Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
