Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
