Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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