I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
