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In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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