Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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