you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
