Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
