would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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