Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
