my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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