official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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