considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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