If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Randomize
