just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
