I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
