Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I want her autograph on my taint
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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