Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Floor bacon is actually really good
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
