WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
