So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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