I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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