I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
