Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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