I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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