Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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