i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
