yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
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I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
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And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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