did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.