Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.