im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"