went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.